Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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