Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
