You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
