Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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