they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
