I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
