im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Randomize
