What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
