There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
