Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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