Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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