holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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