I faked an abortion last night.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
