Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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