Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
