Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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