Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
