This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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