i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
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