proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
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She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
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She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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