absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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