I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
