We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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