you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
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Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
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You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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