According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
