Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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