Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
