He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
