Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
