on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
