It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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