mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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