"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
