I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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