and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
