By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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