Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
