I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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