Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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