Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
