Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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