i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
