totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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