i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
