Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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