seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
