grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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