Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
