I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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