Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
