i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
3pm strippers are depressing
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
