i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize