Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
