if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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