It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
