i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
